Abiola Abrams – February's Calendar Girl |

Abiola Abrams – February's Calendar Girl

By Tess | December 4, 2009
Under: 2009 Calendar, 2010 Calendar

Sex and your sexual freedom, self expression, sexual self esteem.

It was inevitable. I’m a calendar girl. Miss February, month deux, on the New York Sex Bloggers’ Calendar to benefit Sex Worker Awareness. This is what a feminist looks like!

Allow me to reintroduce myself…

What’s your sexual voice? Many women are experts at taking care of everyone’s needs but our own. Most of us are on auto-pilot. We don’t express our whole selves. For heterosexual women, there is literally not a minute where we are not trying to hook up with a boyfriend, prom date, fiancee and then a husband.

I am in the middle of living my fabulous Goddess Year.

What’s the Goddess Year™?
The Goddess Year is a movement that I am birthing- a revolution, a manifesta.

I decree that every woman should have a Goddess Year. The Goddess Year is the year when we live a purposefully single life. Overseas, they have what’s called the “gap year” where teens take a year off in between high school and college to see the world and find themselves. The Goddess Year™ is a year where we live purposefully single – love,sex, dating or celibacy permitted if you wish, but no focus on commitment for 12 full months.

One starter marriage in the hole, I needed to purge and focus on me. This was not a physical purge, but a mental and emotional purge. I realized that I had never been single in my life. Last time I was single I was 14 years old. I was a serial monogamist, going from relationship to relationship. People pleasing, apologizing for being my weird funky artist self, putting everyone’s needs before my own.

Men are encouraged to sow their oats. And by sowing oats I mean living with a sense of individuality and freedom. To embrace a sense of danger and personal power. To be selective and picky. These qualities are viewed as negatives for women.

Enter the calendar: I was invited to be a part of the NYC Sex Blogger Calendar in the right year!! During my goddess year.

I grew up in a sexually repressed conservative immigrant family background with Catholic roots. Posing at the intersection of 116th Street and 7th Avenue in Manhattan with photographer Joseph Stark was antithetical to that and super empowering. To own my body with all of its flaws, both real and imagined, I was 7 feet tall on that street.

That’s why I can proudly say that yes, I am a good woman who has done extensive work with VDay to stop violence against women and girls. But I am also an unapologetic bad girl who directed the erotica film Afrodite Superstar under the nome de plume Venus Hottentot. I own that and I am proud of it.

Abiola’s Kiss & Tell LIVE is my new monthly reading and performance series at Madame X in NYC premiering December 15th. Abiola’s Kiss & Tell TV is also a fun online show and this love, sex, relationships and pop culture column on Examiner.com. Of course the book and the rest are in the works. Come check and the new site AbiolaTV.com and post your own personal delights at KissAndTell.AbiolaTV.com.

Our sexual selves are not a side portion. We deserve to have our needs met. We deserve to express 100% of ourselves. Our Newest Affirmation: I am an unabashedly sexy woman who owns her self.

Hell to the yeah.Or should I say heaven…

And don’t despair if you already have a loving partner and children, that’s beautiful. Spend your Goddess Year as a year of EXTREME goddess self care just for you. Take care of yourself first, and your children and husband or partner will be all the better for it.

Self love is divine, luxurious, healing and necessary. In this culture or sexual bodies are everywhere, but where are our voices and our expression in the mix?

What do you think?

Order yourSEXY $20 calendar to benefit Sex Work Awareness HERE. See you in NYC at Abiola’s Kiss & Tell Live monthly at Madame X. Come hang with me on Twitter @abiolaTV or AbiolaTV.com, and of course buy Dare by Abiola Abrams wherever you buy books.