I often see what my female friends and family members refer to as the creepy guys; The group of hyperactive, overzealous guys who are at every party, desperately trying to connect with someone. I’ve met some of these characters. These aren’t particularly bad-looking guys. Some of them are also quite successful in their careers and pretty smart too. They’d probably make good boyfriends or husbands. However, they don’t stand a chance because of the desperate, creepy vibe they give off to any women who ventures near them.
The Creep Factor
What is it about these guys that makes them come off like this? It’s a combination of things. The more of them that a guy is suffering from, the bigger creep he seems to be. Again, I want to say that a lot of people suffering from a high creep factor aren’t bad guys at all! They just don’t know how to escape from their own personality tendencies that are working against them. If you fear that you may fall into this category, let’s take a look at some of the ways to lower your creep factor.
Arrogant people are great fodder for reality TV. But are they ever your favorite character? Most of the time, they’re hated. They’re present because they’re boastful and often ridiculous behavior can be funny and, most importantly, we all want to see them fall.
Guys who are successful in their careers and other aspects of their life tend to think a lot of themselves. While confidence and self-worth are very important, the way we project them can say a lot about us. A guy who starts every conversation talking about his education, career or some other personal success comes off like an extremely self-centered jerk.
Women want a guy who knows that he’s good but doesn’t need to tell everyone constantly. For example, if you make a new guy friend who mostly talks to you about mutual interests like sports or music and then you later discover that he’s the CEO of a huge corporation, how do you feel about him? You probably respect him for not shouting about it to everyone he meets.
On the other hand, when you meet someone who can’t stop talking about himself, the story is quite different. Most likely, you’ll want to get away from him as quickly as possible. Women see it the same way. If a guy is so in love with himself, he’s probably not going to really be in love with her. It’s well known that this kind of behavior often masks feelings of self-loathing, lack of confidence and other negative emotional states that don’t help a relationship.
Being a Pervert
Guys think about sex, it’s true. Physical attraction is an obvious part of any relationship. However, if this starts to take on an exaggerated importance, many men will unknowingly give off a creepy pervert vibe to any woman they find attractive.
If this is happening to you, you really need to change what you think about. The “lady’s man” mentality is not going to help you get a serious girlfriend. If you can’t talk to a girl without trying to look her up and down, you’re not going to get very far with any woman. If you mostly enjoy forms of entertainment that focus on sex, it’s going to make this problem even worse. You need to actually be a good guy to get a good girl.
All The Wrong Friends
Your guy friends might mean the world to you, but they could actually be holding you back. One of the things I’ve noticed about the “creepers” at parties is that they tend to cluster up in a big pile of goofiness in one corner of the room. This is probably just a way feel confident in an environment that makes them uncomfortable, but it also alienates them from the rest of the group. On the contrast, a man who stands alone, talks to different people and is basically comfortable in his own skin is a lot more attractive.
It might be hard to face the facts that your friends have you enveloped in a field of creepiness. If they make dirty jokes, obsess over hobbies or demand your attention, your chances of meeting the right girl are going to plummet when they’re around. You don’t have to ditch them, but chose wisely when you hang out with them. Some “friends” even go out of their way to make sure they’re friends don’t land someone out of desperation or jealousy. A careful evaluation of your friends can help you see if this is contributing to your creep factor.
How You See Yourself
As I’ve already written lots of times, what you think about yourself has massive impact on how others see you. If you feel you have little to offer or you are self-conscious about your appearance, your nervousness will show. Nervousness is contagious, unfortunately, and if you’re uncomfortable with you, other people will be too.
You have to do whatever it takes to feel good about yourself. It might be changing your appearance or simply finding some success in some personal aspect of your life. I always think of the 80’s classic Better Off Dead. Monique tells Lane, “I think all you need is a small taste of success and you will find it suites you well.” While avoiding going into boastful mode, confidence talks. The quite self-assuredness of someone who is happy with who he is can be very attractive.
If you don’t feel you have anything to feel successful about, get outside your comfort zone. I knew a guy who felt super nervous talking to anyone, not just girls. He decided to take the bull by the horns, run straight at his problem and do something more terrifying than talking to one person. He became a singer in a band! At first, he was a nervous wreck and he wasn’t particularly good either. But over time, he really found himself on the stage. Later on, talking to one girl didn’t seem as intimidating as singing for a room full of strangers.
It’s easy to blame other factors on our creep factor. If you feel that you fall into any of these categories, don’t blame others for your condition. Start making changes. It might not happen over night, but in time, you’ll find that the person you are on the inside is changing, and others will notice it as well.